This is a “lovey-dovey” post for Collectively Creative, a monthly get-together where bloggers write about a central theme! Please check out the links at the bottom of this post for more fun “lovey-dovey” posts!
Have you read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman? I was encouraged to read this book before my husband and I were married, and found it very useful in understanding my soon-to-be husband :) The book points out that often people show their love through their own love language, but you may not be speaking the love language of your significant other! Making dinner might make him happy, but giving him a neck-rub at the end of a long day or telling him that I appreciate how hard he works for our family will go much further in making him feel loved!
Here are the five love languages (in no particular order):
Words of affirmation
Acts of Service
You can take a quiz here to see which is your primary love language!
I took the quiz again recently, as it has been a few years, and I’ve noticed that my love language has changed over time! My primary love language used to be quality time and physical touch, but now has changed to words of affirmation and acts of service. An encouraging word or help with chores around the house and I’ll feel all warm and cared for :) It is not uncommon to have two primary love languages, although they say one likely has an edge over the other. I probably shouldn’t tell my husband that I got a score of 0 for “receiving gifts”, haha! But I think he already knows that…it’s not that I don’t appreciate gifts, in fact I love receiving presents, but they just doesn’t make me feel any more or less loved by him!
Here’s a nice summary of each of the love languages, maybe you can identify yours or your significant others :)
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.
I was very interested to see that there is a book about your children’s love language. There’s also a quiz from that same link (just click on your children). It is divided into ages 5-8, 9-12, and teens. Since our children are too young, I played around with the quizzes, just to see how it works. They have different descriptors for the children and they are summarized here so you can see which one you think best describes your child. I think our daughter’s primary love language is quality time…she really appreciates when we sit down and play with her, involve her in our projects, or spend time cuddling while reading or watching a show together :)
Acts of Service
A person whose love language is acts of service likes it when others do nice things for them such as helping with chores, helping with school projects, or driving them places.
People with the love language of gifts feel good when someone gives them a special present or surprise.
People with the love language of quality time like it when others do things with them like play a game, watch television, or go to a ballgame.
Words of Affirmation
People whose love language is words of affirmation like for others to use words to tell them that they are special and that they do a good job.
People whose love language is physical touch like to receive hugs, kisses, and high-fives.
What is your primary love language? Were you surprised at all by the results?
What is your significant other or children’s love language?
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